How to improve emotional intelligence and emotional stability

Emotions influence how we think, behave, and connect with others. But without the skills to manage them, they can just as easily cause overwhelm. Unchecked emotions can lead to conflict, outbursts, misunderstandings, and even long-term strain on our mental health and relationships.

This is where emotional intelligence and emotional stability come in. While they’re often used interchangeably, they represent two distinct but complementary strengths. Together, they help us stay grounded, communicate more effectively, and navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease.

Let’s break down what emotional intelligence and emotional stability really mean, where they intersect, and practical ways you can develop both in your everyday life.

Understanding emotional intelligence

What is emotional intelligence? It’s your ability to recognise emotions, understand why they arise, and manage them effectively. It also involves your capacity to relate to others with empathy and compassion.

Daniel Goleman, a psychologist widely known for his work in this field, outlines four key components of emotional intelligence or EI:

1. Self-awareness

2. Self-management

3. Social awareness

4. Relationship management

People with strong emotional intelligence tend to handle conflicts gracefully, make balanced decisions even under pressure, and build strong, healthy relationships.

Understanding emotional stability

Emotional stability is about how consistent and resilient you are when faced with emotional ups and downs. It's one of the "Big Five" traits psychologists use to describe personality, and it reflects your ability to remain composed even when life gets bumpy.

Emotionally stable people are usually:

• Calm and collected under stress

• Less prone to anxiety or mood swings

• Quick to recover after setbacks

• Steady and reliable in their reactions

Unlike emotional intelligence, which focuses on understanding emotions, emotional stability is more about maintaining internal balance when emotions are stirred up.

Where the two overlap

While emotional intelligence and emotional stability are different, they are definitely connected. Emotional intelligence helps you notice and manage your emotions and interactions, while emotional stability helps you stay grounded and less reactive when emotions flare up.

Someone might be very good at recognising they’re upset (emotional intelligence) but still find it hard to calm down quickly (lower emotional stability). Ideally, both skills work together to help you not only understand what you're feeling but also respond to those feelings in a calm and steady way.

How to improve your emotional intelligence

Building emotional intelligence is an ongoing journey, and small, daily practices can make a big difference.

1. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness teaches you to observe your emotions without getting swept away by them. It strengthens self-awareness, one of the foundations of emotional intelligence.

Here are some ways to practice mindfulness

• Spend a few minutes daily focusing on your breath

• Notice how emotions feel in your body without labelling them as "good" or "bad"

• Keep a simple journal of daily emotional experiences

2. Strengthen empathy

Empathy deepens your connections with others and helps you understand emotional cues. A few things you can do to build empathy:

• Practice truly listening without preparing your response

• Ask open questions like, "How are you feeling about this?"

• Imagine how you might feel in someone else's shoes

3. Practice communication skills

Good communication helps you express your emotions and needs clearly and respectfully.

• Use “I” statements ("I feel worried when...")

• Be specific about what you need

• Validate others' feelings even if you see things differently

4. Develop your emotional vocabulary

Being able to clearly name what you're feeling increases your ability to manage those emotions effectively. Instead of defaulting to “I feel bad” or “I’m stressed,” expand your emotional language with more specific terms like “disappointed,” “overwhelmed,” or “uneasy.”

The more precisely you can describe what you’re feeling, the more empowered you’ll be to address it constructively.

5. Reflect on emotional triggers

Understanding what sets off certain emotional reactions can help you manage them better. Spend time identifying your emotional "hot buttons" (the people, situations, or thoughts that trigger strong reactions) and reflect on why they affect you. Try asking yourself:

• What emotion did I feel?

• What was the real cause?

• How did I respond, and what might I do differently next time?

How to be emotionally stable

Emotional stability isn't something you either have or don't. It's a quality you can nurture with intentional habits and mindsets.

1. Create a daily routine

A predictable, balanced routine can help create emotional steadiness. Sleep, nutrition, movement, and rest all affect how you process emotions. When your body feels safe and well-cared-for, your mind is more likely to follow suit.

You can start by:

• Keeping regular sleep and wake times

• Scheduling breaks during work or study

• Eating nourishing meals consistently

2. Practice self-compassion

Being kind to yourself, especially when things go wrong, strengthens emotional stability. You can try to:

• Remind yourself that everyone struggles sometimes

• Replace self-criticism with supportive self-talk

• Allow yourself to feel emotions without rushing to "fix" them

A study published in the Hum Dev journal stated that high levels of self-compassion are linked to increased happiness, optimism, curiosity, and feelings of connectedness. 

3. Manage stress proactively

Since stress can shake emotional stability, building good stress management habits is crucial. Effective methods include:

• Regular exercise

• Deep breathing exercises

• Staying connected with supportive people

4. Limit emotional overload

Taking in too much news, social media, or emotional content can tax your emotional resources, especially during already stressful times. Setting healthy boundaries can help protect your emotional as well as mental energy.

You can try:

• Turning off notifications

• Limiting screen time after a certain hour

• Being mindful about who or what you give your attention to

5. Reach out for support

Sometimes, emotional struggles can feel overwhelming. Speaking to a mental health professional can provide valuable tools and insights to help you build greater emotional balance.

Therapies such as talk therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) have been shown to effectively improve emotional intelligence and stability, especially for people dealing with anxiety or emotional dysregulation.

Cultivate emotional strength that lasts

Both emotional intelligence and emotional stability are powerful tools for living a healthier, more resilient life. By building emotional intelligence, you gain insight into yourself and others. By strengthening emotional stability, you create a steady emotional foundation that can weather life’s storms. With time, patience, and the right support, anyone can cultivate both.

At Talked, we’re passionate about helping Australians build stronger emotional skills. Whether you want to sharpen your emotional intelligence, find more balance in tough times, or simply talk things through, Talked therapists are ready to support you wherever you may be.