Emotional regulation guide for adults

If you have ever been emotionally overwhelmed or you acted in the heat of the moment and regretted it later, then you know how difficult it can be to pause and choose a different response.

This is where emotional regulation comes in. It isn’t about pushing emotions away or pretending they do not matter. Instead, it’s about allowing yourself to experience emotions without being swept away.

Feelings can be valuable guides and even protectors, but without regulation, they can sometimes lead to impulsive, unhealthy, or hurtful actions.

But first, what is emotional regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to recognise and understand what you are feeling, choose an appropriate response that supports both your immediate needs and your long-term wellbeing.

Some people develop these skills early in life, often through consistent and supportive parenting that models healthy coping. Others, especially those who experienced emotional neglect, unpredictable caregiving, or environments where emotions were minimised, may find regulation more challenging.

Why emotional dysregulation is damaging

When we’re emotionally dysregulated, our ability to think clearly and act intentionally is significantly reduced. High emotional arousal can override logical thinking, leading to reactions that feel urgent in the moment but are often out of proportion to the situation.

This might look like yelling during disagreements, withdrawing completely, or turning to harmful behaviours such as self-injury or impulsive spending.

These reactions can cause lasting harm to relationships, hurt self-esteem, and even affect physical health. When dysregulation happens repeatedly, it can create a cycle that reinforces itself. The more often you react from an unregulated state, the harder it becomes to step out of that pattern.

The reverse is also true. Strengthening your ability to regulate emotions can improve communication, help you make thoughtful decisions, and protect your mental health.

In relationships, regulation reduces the risk of damaging patterns such as stonewalling, gaslighting, or chronic withdrawal. In parenting, it provides children with a model of emotional steadiness and safety, which supports their mental health and resilience.

Healthy and unhealthy approaches to regulation

Not all strategies for coping with emotions are equally effective. Healthy emotional regulation techniques create space to process feelings without causing harm to yourself or others. 

Examples include practising grounding and present-moment awareness, using mindful breathing, reframing unhelpful thoughts, expressing yourself through art or writing, prioritising physical health through exercise and rest, and seeking support from a trusted friend or therapist.

Unhealthy approaches may bring temporary relief, but often worsen the underlying problem. These can include using alcohol or drugs to numb emotions, engaging in self-injury, compulsive behaviours like retail therapy binges, responding with passive-aggressive communication or stonewalling, or ruminating without taking action.

Recognising the difference between healthy and unhealthy strategies is an important step in breaking free from cycles of dysregulation. Over time, choosing healthier methods more often can help you rebuild trust in yourself, strengthen your relationships, and improve your overall wellbeing.

Practical emotional regulation strategies

There’s no single technique that works for everyone. It helps to try different approaches and notice which ones feel effective for you.

1. Support your body’s needs for nutrition, movement, and sleep

Emotional regulation is closely tied to how well you care for your body. Proper nutrition supports steady energy and brain function, while regular movement, adequate rest, and consistent sleep routines help stabilise mood and improve mental clarity.

2. Reframe your thoughts and use affect labelling to reduce intensity

Reframing involves looking at a situation from a new perspective, which can shift how you feel about it. Affect labelling (putting your emotions into words) has also been shown to reduce emotional intensity by engaging brain areas that support regulation. By naming and reinterpreting what you are feeling, you create space for more thoughtful responses.

3. Use grounding and mindfulness to return to the present moment

Grounding techniques help bring your attention back to what is happening right now, rather than being carried away by strong emotions or distressing thoughts. This might involve noticing what you can see, hear, touch, and smell, or focusing on the sensation of your breath. Mindfulness practices have been shown to reduce stress, rumination, and emotional reactivity while improving overall clarity and self-awareness.

4. Use creative expression and physical outlets to process emotions

Healthy expression can stop emotions from building to an overwhelming point. This might include journaling, painting, photography, music, or dance. Physical activities such as athletics, workouts, or even a brisk walk can also help release emotional energy, improve mood, and restore a sense of balance.

5. Explore structured approaches to develop long-term emotional regulation skills

Structured therapies can equip you with lasting tools for managing emotions. For example, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) can help you build skills in mindfulness, distress tolerance, and communication, while Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can help you understand and respond compassionately to different parts of yourself. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), meanwhile, focuses on living in line with your values while making space for difficult emotions.

If you are struggling with managing your emotions, working with a therapist can help you uncover your feelings, your triggers, and what you can do to manage better and thrive.

Final thoughts

Learning to regulate emotions is an act of self-respect and care. It allows you to stay connected to yourself, choose how to respond, and build healthier patterns and relationships.

Even if you have struggled with dysregulation for years, it is possible to learn new ways of relating to your emotions. Therapies such as DBT, ACT, and IFS therapy can provide structured guidance, but small daily practices, like mindful breathing or journaling, can also make a meaningful difference.

With self-kindness, compassion, and healthy social support, you can learn to manage and respond to emotions without being controlled by them. It won’t be an easy journey, but it’s absolutely worth the effort.