Dealing with pet grief when the loss feels too deep

The death of a pet can leave a sharp and deep ache. A pet is more than a companion for many people. They’re part of the family, a source of comfort and joy, and sometimes the most constant presence in someone’s life.

When they’re gone, their absence can echo through everyday routines in unexpected ways.

Despite how painful it is, this kind of grief is often underestimated. People might not know what to say or may suggest just getting another pet, without realising the depth of what’s been lost. But the emotional pain that follows the death of a beloved animal is very real. It deserves to be met with compassion, understanding, and care.

This resource offers practical, research-informed guidance for navigating grief after losing a pet. It also explores when professional help might be useful, how to support others through their grief, and how to gently rebuild a new sense of purpose after loss.

Why the loss can feel so overwhelming

The bond people form with their pets often runs deep. It’s built on daily rituals, companionship, and a steady presence that brings comfort through both ordinary and difficult times. Pets share our homes and routines, often becoming a constant through life’s many changes.

When they’re gone, that absence can feel jarring. The quiet where they once were, the empty space in familiar moments, and the loss of their unique personality can stir a grief that feels both emotional and physical. It’s not just about missing an animal but also about losing a relationship that brought stability, affection, and meaning.

When grief is unseen or dismissed

What makes this kind of grief harder is that it’s not always recognised by others. People may respond with kind intentions but say things that feel dismissive, like suggesting you replace the pet or move on quickly.

Without space to talk openly about the loss, you might start to feel isolated in your experience.

Grieving in silence can make the emotional weight feel even heavier. You may begin to question whether your feelings are valid or wonder why you're still struggling. But if the loss mattered to you, then your grief is real. And if that grief starts to interfere with daily life or feels stuck, speaking with a therapist or pet grief counsellor can offer support, perspective, and relief.

How to gently move forward, even with pet grief

There’s no set timeline for grieving a pet. For most people, the pain changes shape over time. The sadness may never fully disappear, but it becomes easier to carry.

Here are some gentle ways to support your healing:

1. Let yourself feel everything

Grief brings a mix of emotions. You might feel heartbreak, guilt, anger, relief, numbness, or even moments of joy when remembering your pet. These are all normal.

Some days will be harder than others. Trying to rush your way through it or suppress the sadness usually just delays healing.

Writing down your thoughts, speaking with someone who understands, or simply sitting with your emotions without judgment can help you process your feelings more clearly.

2. Create a way to say goodbye

Rituals help us mark transitions. They don’t need to be formal or public, but they do have to be meaningful to you and give you a sense of closure. Here are some things that people who have lost a pet do in their ritual:

• Hold a small ceremony with close friends or family

• Create a photo album or memory box

• Plant a tree or flower in their pet’s honour

• Write a letter to the pet, expressing what they meant to them

• Donate to a rescue organisation in the pet’s name

3. Try rebuilding a routine that suits you

Many daily habits revolve around pets. Their feeding times, walks, or just having them nearby can give structure to your day. When they’re gone, their absence leaves more than emotional pain; it also changes the rhythm of your routines.

To support you during this transition, try to gently re-establish routines. It can help to:

• Stick to regular mealtimes and sleep patterns

• Replace walks or playtime with your pet with another gentle activity like stretching or a quiet stroll

• Start a small new habit, like morning journaling or a short breathing practice

If you have other pets, they might be grieving too. Keeping a steady routine can help them feel secure and can give you something to focus on.

4. Talk to a counsellor

Grief doesn’t always ease with time alone. If your sadness feels overwhelming, unrelenting, or starts affecting your sleep, appetite, or ability to function, it might help to talk to a mental health professional or a pet grief counsellor.

Pet grief counselling offers:

• A safe space to speak openly and without judgement

• Support in coping with guilt, regret, or confusion

• Tools for understanding grief in a deeper way

• Help in finding stability and meaning during a difficult time

Keep in mind that grief support isn’t about moving on quickly or forgetting your pet. Rather, it helps you create space for the pain while slowly reconnecting with the world around you.

5. Look after your health

Grief can show up physically as much as emotionally. Fatigue, headaches, poor appetite, and restless sleep are all common signs, highlighting the need to intentionally provide your body the care it needs.

Looking after your health won’t erase the grief, but it can make it easier to move through the harder moments.

6. Begin to rebuild a sense of purpose

Losing a pet can shake your sense of purpose. If they were your daily companion or the reason you got up in the morning, it can take time to feel anchored again. Slowly connecting with things that give a new sense of purpose can help.  You might consider:

• Spending time with loved ones

• Volunteering at an animal shelter or community organisation

• Spending time in nature

• Engaging in creative work, such as drawing, writing or crafting

• Reaching out to someone you haven’t spoken to in a while

• Trying something new, like joining a hobby community

Helping children and older adults through grief

Supporting children

Children often grieve differently from adults. They may ask many questions, act out, or seem fine one moment and upset the next. Their emotional worlds are still developing, so patience and honest conversations are essential.

You can support a grieving child by:

• Explaining the loss in simple and honest terms

• Avoiding euphemisms like “went to sleep” that may confuse them

• Reassuring them that it wasn’t their fault

• Encouraging them to talk or express feelings through drawing or storytelling

• Involving them in rituals or memorials, if they want to

• Let them lead the way emotionally, and check in regularly over time.

Supporting older adults

For older people, losing a pet can be especially hard. Pets often provide companionship, structure, and emotional connection during retirement or after other losses.

Some supportive steps that could help are:

• Encouraging regular activity, even something gentle like gardening or short walks

• Offering a listening ear and opportunities to share memories

• Assisting with practical needs or memorial plans

• Helping them connect with friends, groups or grief support services

• Suggesting counselling if their sorrow becomes overwhelming

Some older adults may wish to adopt another animal. Others may find comfort in volunteering or simply spending time with animals in a less permanent way.

Final thoughts

Grieving the loss of a pet takes time, care, and compassion. The love you shared was real, and the pain you feel now is part of that same love. It’s okay to miss them, to remember them, and to feel your way through the sorrow in whatever way feels right.

If the sadness becomes too heavy to carry on your own, talking to a trusted friend or therapist can provide guidance and reassurance.