Dealing with shame and anxiety around debt

Debt often feels heavier than it looks on paper. When money becomes tight and repayments start to pile up, you might feel anxious, embarrassed, or even trapped.

It can feel safer to hide the truth from your loved ones or to withdraw from friends altogether. Many adults experience this kind of financial stress, but the emotional weight can make you believe you are completely on your own.

If you’re losing sleep over credit card bills or feeling ashamed about irresponsible spending, it’s not too late. Debt often brings intense anxiety and a sense of failure, but those feelings can also push you to take action. When acknowledged and understood, they can become the motivation you need to start changing things.

Why shame and anxiety take hold

Debt affects the way you see yourself. You might tell yourself that you should have known better, that you were careless, or that others will think less of you.

Financial stress also puts pressure on relationships. When you feel ashamed, you might distance yourself from people who care about you. Isolation can deepen anxiety, making it even harder to reach out.

Facing the situation honestly

Avoiding debt rarely helps. Taking a first honest look at your finances can feel confronting, but it also brings relief. Facing the facts gives you something real to work with.

Ignoring bills or calls from creditors may give you a short break from the stress, but it also keeps you stuck in fear. The longer you wait, the worse it feels, which reinforces the shame even more. Plus, having debt collectors pestering your inbox or phone several times a week can make your situation worse.

How to face debt with a healthier mindset

1. Reframe how you see yourself

Debt does not define you. It reflects a situation, not your worth. Instead of thinking that you have failed, remind yourself that you are managing something difficult and that you can improve it step by step.

It’s also important to be honest with yourself about what happened. Maybe some decisions weren’t the wisest, or you avoided dealing with the problem for too long. Acknowledge that without harsh judgment. Owning your part gives you a starting point to choose differently moving forward.

Below is a comparison of common thoughts about debt and more constructive ways of seeing them:

2. Understand your current situation

Once you feel ready, take a complete look at your finances. Write down all your debts, who you owe, how much interest you pay, and the minimum repayments. Then list your income and your essential expenses such as rent, food, and utilities.

When you see everything together, the problem becomes tangible, and you can start making choices based on facts.

If you notice that you've been spending impulsively or you've been emotionally driven, try to understand why. Many people spend more when they feel stressed, lonely, or out of control. And if that sounds like you, now might be the perfect time to explore and practice healthier habits.

3. Build a plan that feels achievable

Trying to fix everything at once can leave you feeling overwhelmed. Instead, focus on one practical goal at a time.

A clear plan helps you regain control. Start by listing debts in order of importance or interest rate. Choose one to focus on first, and consider contacting creditors to discuss flexible payments. 

You might decide to reduce a particular debt by a small amount, or fully pay your smallest debt before slowly paying off the others. Each small success can help build your confidence and momentum.

4. Reach out for support

It’s easy to feel like you have to sort this out on your own, especially if you’re ashamed of how things have gone. But staying silent only makes it harder. Talking to someone you trust can ease the pressure and help you feel less alone in the process.

You don’t have to share every detail straight away. Even just saying, “I’ve been under financial stress and I’m trying to get on top of it,” can open the door to connection and support. Whether it’s a partner, friend, or financial counsellor, having someone to talk things through with can make the next steps feel more manageable.

5. Don’t neglect your needs

Financial stress can affect your whole body. You might feel tense, struggle to sleep, or lose concentration. But if you want to face your debts, it’s important to be in the right shape to do so.

Try to look after yourself through small routines like eating regular meals, taking walks, and staying in touch with supportive people.

If you begin to have thoughts of self-harm or hopelessness, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 000 in an emergency. You can also talk with your GP or a therapist. These thoughts are signs of deep distress, and you should not face them alone.

6. Learn from what happened

Once your situation starts to stabilise, think about what led to the debt. Maybe spending was a response to stress, or your income didn’t match your expenses. Learning from the past helps you prevent future problems.

You might decide to check your budget once a month, start an emergency fund, or use an app to track spending. Over time, these small actions build security and peace of mind.

Final thoughts

Debt can make anyone feel small, frightened, and alone. But financial problems are temporary, and they can be managed when you face them with patience and support.

This process takes time, and it won’t always be easy. But with small, steady changes, you can find your footing again, feel more in control, and restore your sense of self-worth.