Cognitive distortions: How to recognise, tame, and reframe them

It’s easy to be with our thoughts and emotions when we’re having a good day. But when things are extra tough or you just feel all over the place? Many of us tend to spiral into harsh, self-critical, and overly negative thoughts.

And some of us stay in this spiral for dangerously too long.

Cognitive distortions tend to fuel this spiral, but they aren’t always easy to spot, especially when the distorted thoughts have formed parts of your deep-seated beliefs.

Let’s explore these distortions, and as you read, we encourage you to do a bit of self-check and reflect on your own thought habits and narratives. We’ll guide you in learning to tame or reframe them, and hopefully equip you to support your own mental and emotional health better. 

What are cognitive distortions?

The American Psychological Association Dictionary of Psychology defines cognitive distortions as “faulty or inaccurate thinking, perception, or belief.”

They are habits of thinking that are biased, rigid, or unhelpful. They often show up automatically, feel absolutely true in the moment, and they tend to trigger strong emotions such as shame, anxiety, guilt, or hopelessness. And because they’re habitual, over time, they can start to feel like a core part of your personality and reality.

​​A substantial body of research links persistent negative automatic thoughts with depression and anxiety. That’s why there are therapies like CBT that help people to observe these distortions, test them against reality, and gradually develop more balanced ways of thinking.

Recognising and taming cognitive distortions

Each time you notice yourself having a strong emotional reaction, that’s an opportunity to catch and process an underlying cognitive distortion that might be present. Here’s a simple guide to do it:

1. Notice the feeling in your body. For example, a tight chest, heavy stomach, or hot face.

2. Ask yourself what went through your mind just before you felt that shift.

3. Put the thought into a sentence.

4. See if it matches one of the common distortions below.

5. Gently question the thought and experiment with a more balanced version.

Over time, this helps you step out of automatic spirals and respond to your inner voice with more steadiness and kindness.

1. All-or-nothing thinking

All-or-nothing thinking shows up when you see situations in extremes. Things are either perfect or ruined. You are either a success or a failure. Examples are:

• “If I make one mistake, the whole thing is a disaster.”

• “If this relationship ends, I will never be happy again.”

This style of thinking sets an impossible standard for you and leaves no room for being human, for learning, or for being somewhere in the middle.

How to reframe

Notice words like “always”, “never”, “everyone”, and “no one”. Experiment with more accurate phrases such as “sometimes”, “often”, or “this time”. For example, “I sometimes struggle at work, and I have also had times where I have done well.”

When something doesn't go as planned, see if you can say: “This was not what I hoped for, and it shows me what I can adjust next time,” rather than “I am a failure.”

2. Magnification and minimisation

With magnification, you blow your mistakes or difficulties out of proportion. With minimisation, you play down or dismiss your strengths, progress, or positive feedback. Examples are

• “I made a small error, which proves I am hopeless at my job.”

• “They said I did a good job, but they were just being polite.”

When you magnify the negative and minimise the positive, your internal scales are set against you.

How to reframe

Start by gently questioning the scale your mind is using. Ask yourself how a fair and neutral observer would describe the situation. What would they see if they were not trying to criticise or protect you?

Next, apply the same logic to both sides. If one mistake is taken as proof of a character flaw, then your efforts, improvements, and successes must also say something real about who you are.

You can also try keeping a simple, balanced record. On one side, note moments you found difficult or wish had gone better. On the other side, write down things you handled well, any positive feedback you received, or times you showed effort, courage, patience, or skill. Over time, this helps your mind learn to see you more accurately and more fairly.

3. Catastrophising

Catastrophising is the habit of mentally jumping to the worst outcome and then reacting as if that outcome is already on your doorstep. Examples are:

• “If I stumble during this presentation, everyone will think I am incompetent, and my career will be over.”

• “If this relationship ends, I will be alone for the rest of my life.”

Catastrophising ramps up fear and hopelessness and often leads to avoidance or panic.

How to reframe

Begin by separating what is possible from what is likely. Many things are technically possible. That does not mean they are your most probable future.

You can also map out three scenarios. The worst realistic outcome, the best realistic outcome, and the most likely outcome based on your past experience and current support. This exercise helps your mind move away from a single frightening story.

If your mind keeps focusing on the worst case, ask, “If that actually happened, what could I do next?” You might list people you could contact, services you could use, or skills you already have. This does not mean wishing for a bad outcome. It reminds you that even if something difficult happened, you wouldn’t be helpless.

This process helps tame worst-case thinking so it no longer runs your decision-making.

4. Overgeneralisation

Overgeneralisation happens when you take one situation and treat it as a permanent pattern. Examples are:

• “I did not get this job, so I will never get a job that I want.”

• “This person did not reply, so nobody really likes me.”

Over time, this style of thinking feeds global beliefs such as “I always fail” or “People always leave me”, which are strongly linked with depression and anxiety.

How to reframe

First, look for exceptions. Ask yourself, “When has this not been true?” Even one small example can begin to soften the “always” or “never” story.

Second, get specific. Rather than “I am terrible with money”, you could say “For the past year, I have found budgeting very difficult, and I am starting to learn new skills.”

Third, change identity labels into descriptions of behaviour. Instead of “I am a failure”, you might say “This exam did not go as I hoped. I can review so I can bounce back.” These shifts help you move from fixed, hopeless conclusions to a more flexible and accurate view.

5. Personalisation

Personalisation means you take on too much responsibility for events that are not fully in your control, or you assume that other people's behaviour is mainly a judgement of you. Examples are:

• “My friend seems quiet. I must have done something wrong.”

• “My colleague looks stressed. It’s because I asked a question in the meeting.”

This pattern can lead to heavy guilt, anxiety, and exhaustion, because you feel responsible for managing the feelings and actions of others.

How to reframe

Pause and list several possible reasons for the other person's behaviour. Could they be tired, worried about something else, dealing with family stress, unwell, or simply preoccupied?

Next, sort the situation into three zones: What is fully your responsibility, what is shared, and what is out of your hands. You’re responsible for your words and actions. You are not fully responsible for another adult's mood, history, or choices.

When it feels appropriate, you can replace silent self-blame with gentle curiosity. For example, saying something like, “You seem a bit quiet today. Is everything okay?” gives the other person a chance to share their reality, rather than you filling the silence with self-criticism.

6. Jumping to conclusions

Jumping to conclusions involves making strong negative interpretations without enough evidence. Two common forms are mind-reading and fortune-telling.

Mind-reading is assuming you know what others think or feel. Fortune-telling is predicting the future as if it has already been decided. Examples are:

• “They have not replied to my message. They must be angry with me.”

• “This project will definitely fail. There’s no point in starting.”

How to reframe

When you notice that you’re mind-reading, try turning the conclusion into a question. “I am imagining they might be upset. Do I actually know this for sure?”

Write down the evidence on both sides. What supports your interpretation? What suggests a different explanation?

You can also treat situations as experiments. Instead of deciding in advance that a social event will go badly, attend with the aim of watching what actually happens. The goal is not to force yourself to enjoy it, but to base your view on real information rather than predictions.

This gradually tames the urge to jump ahead of reality.

7. Emotional reasoning

Emotional reasoning treats your feelings as evidence that something is true. Examples:

• “I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong.”

• “I feel anxious, so this situation must be dangerous.”

Feelings are important signals, but they aren’t always accurate summaries of what’s happening around you.

How to reframe

Start by naming both the feeling and the fact. For example, “I feel very anxious right now, and the information I have suggests this situation is physically safe.”

You can acknowledge that emotions are real and meaningful, while also reminding yourself that they are not the whole story. Emotions often point to values, needs, or past experiences, not just the present reality.

Using “both/and” language helps. Meaning, acknowledge that multiple things can be true or meaningful at the sample time.

For example, you can have a feeling that you failed while also acknowledging that you did the best you could with the information you had. Or, you can feel guilty about something while knowing that, when you look at the situation carefully, you didn’t actually harm anyone.

Over time, emotional reasoning becomes less overpowering, and your feelings can inform you without ruling you.

8. Disqualifying the positive

Disqualifying the positive means you routinely dismiss or downplay compliments, achievements, or good moments. Examples:

• “They said they appreciated me, but they did not really mean it.”

• “I passed that test because of luck. It says nothing about me.”

This pattern stops positive experiences from balancing out your inner critic, so your self-image stays fragile even when life is going reasonably well.

How to reframe

When you notice yourself rejecting praise, pause before you push it away. Ask: “What if there’s some truth in this feedback?”

If fully accepting a compliment feels too hard, start small. Allow that even 10 or 20% of what was said might be accurate. Sit with that possibility instead of immediately dismissing it.

Many people find it useful to keep a brief record of positive feedback, moments of connection, or small wins. Reading through it when your mood dips can remind you that your life contains more than your latest worry or mistake. This practice helps tame the habit of throwing away anything that does not fit a negative story about you.

9. “Should” statements

“Should”, “must”, and “ought to” statements act like an internal rule book. Often, this rule book is strict, unforgiving, and inherited from family, culture, or social expectations. Examples are:

• “I should always be productive.”

• “I must never upset anyone.”

• “I should be over this by now.”

These rules can create chronic guilt, shame, and pressure, and leave very little room for your own limits and needs.

How to reframe

Try swapping “should” for “could” or “I would like to”. “I should exercise every day” becomes “I would like to move my body regularly because it helps my mood.”

Spend some time asking where your rules came from. Are they actually yours? Do they line up with your values and your current life? Or are they left over from someone else's expectations?

Consider turning rigid rules into flexible principles. For example, “I care about treating people with respect, and sometimes that includes saying no or taking time out,” or “I value hard work, and I also value rest.”

This helps you tame a harsh rule book and replace it with guidance that respects both your values and your humanity.

10. Magical thinking

Here, magical thinking refers to seeing a link between your thoughts or private rituals and outside events that are not realistically connected. Examples:

• “If I don’t worry about my family constantly, something terrible will happen to them.”

• “If I don’t think positively enough, I will cause things to go wrong.”

Magical thinking often grows from anxiety. You want the people and situations you value to be safe, so your mind tries to control outcomes through thought.

How to reframe

First, gently separate influence from control. You can influence outcomes by planning, asking for help, or taking practical steps. But you don’t control random events, other people's behaviour, or the future.

Ask yourself: “Has worrying ever guaranteed a good outcome?” and “Do bad things only happen to people who don’t worry enough or who have the wrong thoughts?”

See if you can shift from mental rituals to concrete caring actions. Instead of repeated worried thoughts, you might send a message, check in with someone, or take a small but meaningful practical step. This honours your care while loosening the belief that you must think or feel a certain way to keep others safe.

Recognising when you are in a spiral

When cognitive distortions build on each other, you can enter a spiral where everything feels heavy, and you start to sabotage your own wellbeing.

You might notice that you replay one event many times and feel worse each time. You might put off tasks that matter to you because you are certain you will fail. You might withdraw from friends, stop doing things you normally enjoy, or rely more on unhelpful coping strategies.

It’s important to remember that these spirals are common responses to stress, trauma, grief, or long periods of pressure. They don’t mean you are beyond help, but they do signal that you deserve support and that your inner critic has been running the show for a long time.

Learning to recognise specific distortions gives you a way to put small brakes on these spirals and gently tame them instead of being swept away.

When to seek extra support

Self-guided strategies can be very helpful, especially when you use them consistently. There are times, though, when it’s important to reach out for more support.

You might consider talking with a mental health professional if:

• You feel stuck in negative thoughts for much of the day

• Your work, relationships, or basic self-care are being affected

• You experience thoughts of self-harm or suicide

Therapists trained in CBT and related approaches can help you identify the deeper beliefs that sit beneath repeated distortions and support you to build skills in a structured, safe way.

If you are ever at immediate risk of harming yourself, or feel unable to keep yourself safe, please contact emergency services or a crisis support service in your region as soon as possible.

Moving towards a kinder inner voice

Cognitive distortions are common, especially when you have lived through stress, trauma, or long periods of pressure. They are learned mental habits, and as such, they can also be rewired and unlearned.

By learning to notice, name, and gently challenge these patterns, you gradually tame them. They become less loud and less convincing. In their place, you can begin to cultivate a voice that is curious, honest, and kind.

Each time you pause in the middle of a spiral, each time you question a harsh thought, and each time you offer yourself a more balanced perspective, you are building a new way of relating to your mind. That process takes time and intention, but it is deeply worthwhile.