Ghosted again? The Chaotic World of Online Dating


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Written by Emmy Stephens

Masters in Psychology

20 Jul, 2021

Being ghosted hurts, plain and simple. Ghosting is when somebody who you have a relationship with, whether friendly or romantic, suddenly cuts off all forms of contact with you. Maybe you went on a few dates with someone and they suddenly stop texting back. Or maybe a friend of yours has suddenly removed you from social media and won't answer your calls. It doesn't matter how the ghosting occurs, it always hurts.

Why Does Ghosting Happen?

Why do people make it seem like things are going so great, only for them to disappear from our lives without warning? There are tons of different reasons somebody might decide to ghost a person they are dating. It is pretty widely accepted, though, that people most likely ghost to avoid uncomfortable scenarios like breaking up with somebody in person or confronting somebody with issues you have with them.

People who ghost likely don't do it to hurt the person they are ghosting. It is very common that people who ghost others do it because they become scared of being put in a confrontational situation or feel as though communication is unnecessary. People who ghost often believe that cutting off contact is the easiest and best way to handle the situation at hand.

Ghosting is becoming a more and more common way of ending relationships these days. Because of this, ghosting is becoming more and more normalized, meaning it seems less wrong to do.

Why Do I Keep Getting Ghosted?

Online dating has many benefits in our tech-centric world. However, the world of online dating can be quite scary, and the more common ghosting becomes the more scary online dating can become.

When you are in the beginning of the online dating stages, ghosting may be more common. This is because the other person may feel less connected to somebody they just met and started dating then they would if they were dating somebody they had known in person long before dating. In other words, online dating may take longer to develop emotional attachments.

There are many reasons you may keep getting ghosted while you are online dating. For one, online dating can make somebody feel as though they have tons of options. Because of this, your date you just met online may just be playing the field and forgetting to consider the people they are dating may feel upset about being ghosted.

It is quite common for online daters to simply be seeking fun rather than a serious relationship. This can be a huge reason that you keep finding yourself ghosted after the first few dates. The more dating moves online, the longer it will take to become emotionally attached when dating. With so many options and so little accountability, it is no wonder ghosting is becoming so common.

How to Deal with Being Ghosted

Just because ghosting has become more normalized in society, does not mean that it hurts any less. When somebody ghosts you, it may feel confusing in the beginning. You may worry that something happened to them or tell yourself they must just be busy.

As time goes on and you begin to realize that you have been ghosted, you will likely experience a wide range of emotions: from sadness to anger and loneliness. With so little explanation, you may even begin to wonder if you did something to cause the ghosting. So how do you deal with being ghosted?

Know that it isn't your fault

When somebody disappears from your life without explanation, you may find yourself wondering if you did something wrong. Understand that, while it can most certainly feel personal when you are ghosted, it is not. The person who has ghosted you likely has their own reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you.

When people are ghosted, thy tend to blame themselves and believe that they did something to cause the ghosting. This can lead to issues in future relationships and take a serious toll on your self esteem.

Rather than blaming yourself for being ghosted, utilise this time to care for yourself. Practice self-compassion and focus on doing things that truly bring you joy. It is absolutely not your fault that the other person could not muster up the courage to communicate with you maturely.

Allow Yourself to Mourn the Relationship

When you are ghosted, you may feel embarrassed or ashamed to mourn the relationship. You may wonder why you feel this way when they just left you hanging. However, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being upset that a person you cared about has suddenly gone MIA with no explanation or communication. Anybody would be upset with this. Holding your emotions and feelings about the situation in will do nothing more than build inner tension that will leave you feeling worse.

Take This Time to Focus on You

In order to move past this pain, you must focus on yourself. Take this time to be kind to yourself and work toward your own happiness. Surround yourself with the people who bring you happiness. Do the things that leave you with a smile on your face. Take up a new hobby.

It is very important to work through negative thought patterns that may lead to you believing that the ending of this relationship was your fault. As I mentioned before, it is absolutely not your fault that the other person could not muster up the courage to have a mature conversation with you. Remember that a healthy relationship is full of open communication. This person obviously was not in the place to provide you with that.

Taking care of your overall wellbeing is also crucial to becoming resilient to the pain that accompanies being ghosted. When your mental and physical health are thriving, you will be able to get over this pain in a much more healthy and productive manner than if they are not doing well. So work to have healthy habits in your everyday life.

Final Thoughts

Ghosting hurts. It can leave you feeling depressed, lonely, and as though you did something wrong. Know that it is not your fault that somebody was not prepared to have a mature conversation with you. Take this time to practice self-compassion and take care of yourself. You will get through this.

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Emmy Stephens

Masters in Psychology

Emmy Stephens has her Master's degree in psychology and has been writing mental health articles for more than 6 years. Earning her degree did more than furthering her education in psychology but also gave her a passion for researching complex subjects and writing reliable and helpful information.

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