Healing compassion fatigue

If you’re someone others rely on, you probably offer support without thinking twice. You might be the one who shows up when others can’t, listens when no one else does, and holds things together when everything feels messy.

But if you've been feeling emotionally drained, disconnected, or just plain tired, it could be more than ordinary stress. It might be compassion fatigue.

This isn’t something that just happens to people in hospitals or crisis centres. Compassion fatigue can affect anyone who gives a lot of emotional energy to others, especially if they rarely get the same kind of support in return. This guide will help you understand what compassion fatigue really is, why it shows up, and how you can start to feel more like yourself again.

What exactly is compassion fatigue?

Compassion fatigue is what happens when you've been giving too much for too long, without enough space to recover. You might start feeling numb, irritable, overwhelmed, or simply exhausted.

This is different from burnout, which usually shows up as mental and physical exhaustion tied to work stress. Compassion fatigue is more emotional. It’s often connected to the kind of care you give, especially if that care is tied to someone else’s distress.

Who's at risk?

Anyone who cares deeply for others is vulnerable, but it’s especially common in:

• Healthcare workers, teachers, social workers, therapists, and support workers

• Parents, carers, or partners supporting someone with a long-term illness or trauma

• People in families with a history of insecure attachment or emotional neglect

• Those who feel responsible for managing everyone’s feelings

If you grew up in an environment where emotions weren’t talked about or where you had to take care of others from a young age, you might be more likely to fall into over-caring patterns.

Signs of compassion fatigue

Compassion fatigue can show up in different ways. Some people feel flat and emotionally empty. Others get snappy, anxious, or start avoiding the people they usually care about. You might notice:

• Trouble sleeping or relaxing

• Feeling numb, detached, or like you're on autopilot

• Headaches, stomach issues, or constant tension in your body

• A sense of guilt when you try to rest or say no

• Feeling resentful, but not knowing how to change things

• Losing your sense of purpose or connection to what you used to enjoy

In some cases, the emotional weight can become so heavy that it leads to a nervous breakdown. That’s why noticing these early signs is important, and you absolutely don’t have to wait until things fall apart to start making changes.

How to recover and protect your wellbeing?

1. Be honest with yourself about how much you’re carrying

It’s easy to downplay emotional labour, especially when you’ve been doing it for years. It might help you to take a few moments to list out the people you support, emotionally or practically. Include things like listening to friends vent, handling family conflict, or checking in on people at work.

Looking at that list can be a wake-up call. You’ve probably been doing more than you realised, and that’s not sustainable without regular recovery.

2. Take boundaries more seriously

This might mean saying no more often, answering calls less quickly, or stepping back from conversations that leave you feeling depleted. If someone is leaning on you but refuses to take responsibility, that’s not support, that’s emotional outsourcing.

You don’t have to explain or justify your limits. It’s enough to say, “I’m not available for that right now,” or “I need to focus on my own space today.”

People might resist the change at first, especially if they’ve come to rely on you. But that’s all the more reason to take your boundaries seriously.

3. Focus on rest that actually restores you

Not all rest is created equal. Scrolling through your phone while feeling guilty doesn’t help much, even if it seems like the easiest way to distract yourself. Instead, try simple things like:

• Short naps or early nights

• Sitting outside with no distractions

• Quiet walks without pressure to be productive

• Light exercise, like stretching or swimming

• Listening to music that calms you

If you feel like resting is lazy, that’s probably coming from old beliefs tied to comparison or family expectations. But keep in mind that you don’t need to earn your downtime.

4. Reconnect with meaning on your own terms

Compassion fatigue can leave you feeling like nothing matters anymore. That loss of purpose is a common sign you’ve been running on empty.

Take time to notice what feels meaningful to you now — not what used to, and not what others think should matter. That might be spending time with your kids, working with clients who share your values, or just being able to laugh with a friend.

You don’t need to chase big wins. Sometimes the most powerful reset is reconnecting with one small thing that reminds you why you care in the first place.

5. Let support in, even if you’re used to being the strong one

You don’t need to be the reliable one all the time. If you've been holding things together for others, it’s okay to admit that you're not coping. Support can look like:

• Talking to a therapist who understands attachment dynamics or vicarious trauma

• Sharing honestly with a friend who won’t dismiss your feelings

• Asking a colleague to step in when you’re stretched too thin

• Joining a support group for carers or helping professionals

It might feel unfamiliar at first, especially if you grew up around people who couldn’t meet your emotional needs. But letting others support you is part of the recovery.

Final thoughts

Caring for others can be incredibly meaningful, but it can also wear you down when there’s little time or space to care for yourself.

Compassion fatigue is a sign that your emotional energy has been stretched too far for too long. It’s your mind and body’s way of asking for a pause, some kindness, and the chance to recover.

You don’t need to make big changes all at once. Start by checking in with yourself, setting simple boundaries, and creating moments of rest where you can. If it still feels heavy, a therapist can help you unpack what’s going on and support you in finding your way back to balance. Remember that taking care of yourself is foundational to how you can show up for others in a way that feels sustainable.