Red flags of love bombing & how to move forward

Being loved by someone who pours their effort, time, sweet nothings, and even their money on you can feel like a dream. Suddenly, there’s this person who seems completely enamoured with you, and you might start to believe you've finally found the perfect partner. 

But when that intensity becomes controlling or emotionally confusing, it's time to take a closer look.

This pattern of behaviour is known as love bombing. While it may seem like devotion on the surface, love bombing is often a form of emotional manipulation designed to create dependency and gain control.

What is love bombing?

Love bombing refers to the use of overwhelming affection, excessive flattery, gifts, and time to quickly create a strong emotional bond. This often occurs early in a relationship and can appear romantic or passionate.

However, it frequently serves a darker purpose. Instead of nurturing a healthy connection, love bombing manipulates emotions, creates emotional dependency, and paves the way for control.

It may be part of a broader pattern of emotional abuse, especially if followed by devaluation and withdrawal. While some people engage in love bombing intentionally, others may do so unknowingly due to their own insecure attachment or emotional impulsivity.

What motivates love bombing?

The reasons behind love bombing vary. In some cases, it’s a deliberate tactic used by individuals with narcissistic traits to secure admiration and control.

A narcissistic partner may use idealisation to gain trust, then shift into criticism or emotional neglect once that trust is established. This cycle (often described as idealisation, devaluation, and discard) can have a profound psychological impact.

Others may engage in love bombing because of an anxious attachment style or low self-worth. These individuals may fear abandonment and use affection as a way to hold onto the relationship.

For adults with ADHD, emotional impulsivity and hyperfocus may lead to intense romantic attention that, while well-meaning, can overwhelm or confuse their partner. This is often referred to as ADHD love bombing.

Why love bombing can be hard to recognise

Love bombing is difficult to identify because it initially feels good. The attention is flattering, the gestures seem thoughtful, and the pace feels exciting.

Popular culture often romanticises this kind of intense love, making it harder to see it for what it really is.

It’s only when the emotional highs are followed by coldness, criticism, or control that doubts begin to surface. At that point, the emotional connection may already be strong, making it harder to pull away.

When behaviours and patterns like breadcrumbing, ghosting, hoovering, gaslighting, or emotional roller coasters begin to appear, the underlying manipulation becomes more visible.

Love bombing examples in real life

1. Over-the-top declarations early on

A love bomber tends to say things like “You’re my soulmate” or “I’ve never felt this way before” within days of meeting.

While infatuation is normal, genuine emotional connection takes time. These early declarations often serve to disarm and draw you in quickly.

2. Lavish gestures, gifts, and constant communication

It’s not unusual to receive gifts in a new relationship, but when those gifts are excessive or make you feel indebted, that’s a red flag.

Likewise, constant messages or calls may feel like attention at first but can quickly become overwhelming or intrusive.

3. A rushed pace and talk of long-term commitment

Some people who engage in love bombing push for big commitments early on. Moving in together, merging finances, or talking about marriage in the first few weeks can signal an attempt to fast-track emotional dependency rather than build trust.

4. Isolation from support systems

Statements like “No one understands you like I do” or subtle criticisms of your family and friends may seem harmless at first. Over time, these remarks can lead to isolation, making it easier for the love bomber to exert control.

How love bombing can affect you

1. Confusion and self-doubt

The shift from admiration to criticism can feel disorienting. You may begin to question your own judgement, wonder what changed, or blame yourself for their withdrawal.

2. Damage to your self-esteem

When affection is suddenly replaced with coldness, it can create a cycle of self-blame. You may start to believe that if you change your behaviour, try harder, or just be “better”, the relationship will return to how it was and feel romantic or safe again.

3. Emotional dependency and anxiety

The emotional highs and lows can become addictive. You may find yourself chasing the honeymoon phase and tolerating harmful behaviour in hopes of winning your partner’s affection.

4. Difficulty leaving the relationship

Even when things feel wrong, the memory of how much your partner showed you love can make it difficult to walk away. Love bombers may reintroduce kind gestures just as you're thinking of leaving, reinforcing emotional dependency.

5. Long-term emotional harm

Emotional abuse, including love bombing, can lead to depression, anxiety, trust issues, and challenges in future relationships.

The effects often linger long after the relationship ends. And without intentional efforts to heal, it’s possible that you’d bring the same emotional wounds to your next relationship.

Is love bombing bad if it’s unintentional?

Yes, love bombing can still be harmful even when it’s not done deliberately.

In some cases, it may stem from emotional impulsivity, anxious attachment, or ADHD-related behaviours, rather than a conscious intent to manipulate. While the motivation may be sincere, the outcome can still lead to confusion, emotional distress, and instability within the relationship.

If your partner is open to feedback, it can help to discuss boundaries, emotional needs, and how the relationship is progressing. However, not everyone will respond with insight or care. 

Some partners may dismiss concerns, resist change, or react with defensiveness or aggression. If there's any fear of retaliation, emotional volatility, or a history of physical harm, it's safest to seek professional support before attempting to address the issue directly.

A psychologist or counsellor can guide you through the next steps while protecting your wellbeing in the process.

Should you worry about narcissistic personality disorder?

While love bombing and withdrawal patterns can be called narcissistic behaviours, ​​it’s important to recognise that not all narcissistic behaviour means someone has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).

NPD is a complex mental health condition that must be diagnosed by a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist.

But, regardless of a formal diagnosis, repeated patterns of emotional harm are reason enough to seek support. If you find yourself feeling unsafe, constantly second-guessing yourself, or emotionally depleted, a psychologist can help you assess the relationship and make decisions to support your healing.

When therapy can help

If you’ve been on the receiving end of love bombing, therapy can provide a safe space to process what happened, rebuild self-esteem, and re-establish boundaries.

It can also help you recognise emotional manipulation and prevent future patterns of emotional abuse or coercive control.

But what if you’re the one who love-bombs? With the help of a therapist, you can better understand your relationship style, explore underlying emotional needs, and develop healthier ways of expressing love. Attachment therapy may be particularly helpful for those navigating insecure or anxious attachment patterns.

Final thoughts

Love bombing may begin with affection and attention, but it often masks deeper issues like control, insecurity, or narcissistic behaviour. Whether it’s driven by manipulation or emotional impulsivity, the impact can be emotionally damaging and long-lasting.

Many adults have experienced emotional abuse, and love bombing is often the first sign that something isn’t right. If your relationship feels overwhelming, rushed, or emotionally unstable, trust those instincts. Recovery, healing, and connection are possible with the right support.