Understanding grief (symptoms, stages, types, ways to cope)

Grief is one of the most profound and personal experiences we go through in life. While loss is something we all face at some point, grieving can feel incredibly lonely and isolating.

Grief doesn’t follow a neat pattern. It can be unpredictable, overwhelming, and confusing. But it’s also a natural part of being human.

Let’s gently explore what grief can look like, including its symptoms, stages, and the many forms grief can take. And if you’re feeling frustrated with how long your healing is taking, we’ll also talk about the value of self-compassion and kindness as you walk your path through grief.

What is grief?

Grief is a natural response to loss. Most commonly, we associate grief with the death of a loved one, but it can also be triggered by other major life changes like separation, miscarriage, loss of a pet, redundancy, or a serious diagnosis.

Even "less visible" losses like moving away from home or letting go of a long-held dream can bring about grief.

Symptoms of grief

Grief doesn’t always show up the way we expect it to. While deep sadness is often part of the experience, grief can also affect your body, mind, and behaviours in surprising ways.

🟣 Emotional symptoms may include:

• Sadness, emptiness or tearfulness

• Anger, frustration, or irritability

• Guilt, regret, or self-blame

• Anxiety or fear about the future

• Emotional numbness or detachment

🟣 Physical symptoms might look like:

• Constant fatigue or low energy

• Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much

• Changes in appetite

• Headaches, chest tightness, or digestive issues

• A weakened immune system

🟣 Cognitive and behavioural signs can include:

• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions

• Forgetfulness or mental fog

• Avoiding people or activities you usually enjoy

• Feeling disconnected from the world around you

These reactions are not signs that you're weak or you’re not coping. They're your mind and body trying to make sense of a world that’s changed.

Stages of grief

You might have heard of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. This framework, developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, was originally meant to describe the emotional journey of people facing terminal illness.

Over time, it’s also been used to describe the grief process more generally.

1. Denial: A feeling of disbelief or shock. You might catch yourself thinking, “This can’t be happening.”

2. Anger: You may feel frustrated, helpless or even resentful toward the situation, yourself, or others.

3. Bargaining: This is the "what if" stage. You might replay events in your mind or imagine how things could have gone differently.

4. Depression: A deep sadness may set in as the reality of the loss sinks in. This can feel like hopelessness, isolation or withdrawal.

5. Acceptance: Over time, you may begin to come to terms with the loss and start finding ways to move forward while still honouring what you’ve lost.

It’s important to understand that grief is not a straight line. You might not experience all these stages, or you might revisit some of them multiple times. There is no set order, and no “right” way to grieve.

Different types of grief

Not all grief looks the same. Sometimes it shows up before the loss even happens. Other times, it lingers longer than we expect or isn’t recognised by the people around us.

The common types of grief include:

1. Anticipatory grief

This is the grief we feel in advance of a loss, like when you have a loved one who is terminally ill. It can involve sadness, fear, and helplessness even before the person has passed.

2. Acute grief

Acute grief typically appears in the initial period following a loss. It can feel overwhelming and intense, often affecting sleep, appetite, concentration and energy levels. You might find yourself swinging between disbelief, emotional pain, and deep yearning. This phase can be incredibly difficult, but it is a natural part of the grieving process.

3. Delayed grief

In some cases, grief doesn’t surface right away. It may be postponed because of shock, practical responsibilities or emotional numbness. Delayed grief can show up weeks, months or even years later, sometimes triggered by an anniversary, a new loss or a seemingly unrelated event. When it arrives, it can feel just as strong as if the loss had happened yesterday.

4. Chronic grief

Chronic grief is long-lasting and does not seem to ease over time. A person may still be functioning in daily life but continue to feel a deep, unresolved sadness. They may struggle to find a sense of peace or closure, even many months or years after the loss. This type of grief may benefit from gentle support and, in some cases, professional counselling.

5. Prolonged or complicated grief

When grief becomes persistent and continues to interfere with daily life for a long time, it may be considered complicated. People experiencing this may feel emotionally stuck or unable to accept the loss, even after more than a year. They might withdraw from others, lose interest in activities they once enjoyed, or find it hard to imagine a future without the person or situation they lost. This form of grief often requires specialised support.

6. Disenfranchised grief

This kind of grief occurs when your loss isn’t acknowledged or supported by others — for example, grieving the death of an ex-partner, the loss of a pregnancy, or a beloved pet. It can feel particularly lonely and isolating.

7. Traumatic grief

Traumatic grief occurs when the loss is sudden, violent or deeply distressing. This might include the death of someone in an accident, suicide, or a natural disaster. In addition to grief, the person may also experience symptoms of trauma such as flashbacks, intrusive thoughts or intense anxiety. Processing both the grief and the trauma can take time and often requires professional support.

8. Collective grief

This is shared grief that impacts entire communities, such as after natural disasters, pandemics, or national tragedies.

9. Cumulative grief

When you experience several losses close together, the grief can stack and feel overwhelming. You might find it hard to catch your breath emotionally before the next loss hits.

Grief, in any form, asks a lot of us. It may challenge your sense of stability, identity and even hope. But however it shows up, your grief is real and worthy of attention. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, without judgment. Be gentle with yourself, and remember that healing doesn't mean forgetting — it means learning how to live in a world that has changed.

The role of self-compassion and kindness during moments of grief

Grief can sometimes make you question yourself. You might wonder if you're grieving "the right way" or feel like you're not bouncing back fast enough. But there is no standard timeline or process. Grief is messy, personal, and unpredictable, which is why self-compassion matters so much during this time.

Here are some ways to show kindness and gentleness with yourself:

• Let yourself feel. Whatever you’re feeling is valid. You don’t need to explain or justify it.

• Avoid comparing your grief. Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own schedule.

• Rest when you need to. Grief takes an enormous toll on your body and mind. You don’t need to process everything all at once. It's okay to slow down.

• Reach out. Talk to someone you trust, whether it's a friend, a relative, a support group, or a therapist.

• Create small rituals. Light a candle, keep a journal, write a song, plant a flower, or take time to remember - whatever helps you feel at least a little lighter. These acts can bring comfort and a sense of getting your thoughts and feelings processed instead of pushed down.

Final thoughts

Grief isn’t something we simply get over  It changes us, reshapes us, and we learn to live with it over time. Some days may feel harder than others. Some days may surprise you with moments of peace or even joy. That doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten or stopped caring. It simply means you’re human and you’re finding your way through.

If you're feeling stuck or overwhelmed in your grief for too long, it might be time to seek professional support. Healing often takes support from different directions, so don’t hesitate to get the help you need when you feel ready.