85+ Mental health check-in questions for couples

Nurturing a strong relationship involves staying in tune with how each other is doing, especially mentally and emotionally.

Taking a little time to check in with your partner can help you both feel more connected and supported, even when life gets hectic. It doesn’t need to be deep or serious all the time, as long as the conversation stays honest, loving, and consistent.

Find a moment when you’re both feeling calm and not distracted, and let the chat flow naturally. Keep it light unless something deeper comes up that’s worth unpacking. And if the conversation brings up something big, that’s okay too. Some topics need more time, reflection, and openness, and maybe even a bit of outside support (like from a mentor or counsellor) to be resolved. 

Questions for emotional closeness

These questions help you explore how you each feel, how connected you are, and what supports or adjustments might deepen your relationship.

• When did you last feel truly seen by me?

• What helps you feel safe when you open up emotionally?

• How do you feel about our closeness right now?

• In what ways do I make you feel loved?

• What’s one small thing I could do more of that would matter to you?

• Are there times when you hold back from sharing something with me? Why?

• How can I better support you when you’re feeling anxious, low, or stressed?

• Do you feel I listen to you without rushing to fix things?

• What kind of touch, time together, or words make you feel most connected?

• Are there patterns (like withdrawing or shutting down) you’d like us to notice together?

• How comfortable are you being vulnerable with me?

• When did you last feel close to me, and what was happening then?

• How has our emotional rhythm (the ups and downs) been lately?

• Do you feel you can ask for help from me when you need it?

• What does “intimacy” mean to you right now, and does our day‑to‑day reflect that?

• How do you feel about our physical intimacy lately?

• What’s something I may do (without realising) that makes you pull away?

• How can we create a safe space for each other to show up as we are, not as we “should” be?

• What’s one emotion you wish I understood better?

• How do you feel when we disagree? Do you feel heard, safe, and respected?

Questions for new couples

Starting a relationship is exciting, but it also means learning how each other thinks, feels, and handles life. These questions can help you open up about emotional needs, stress, and how you each experience connection and support.

• How have you been feeling emotionally over the past week or two?

• What’s been weighing on your mind lately, if anything?

• Are there any worries you haven’t felt ready to share yet?

• What’s something I do that helps you feel emotionally safe?

• When you’re feeling stressed, what kind of support works best for you?

• Are there any situations that make you feel anxious or unsettled in relationships?

• How do you usually handle conflict or misunderstandings?

• What helps you feel calm when things feel a bit much?

• Do you find it easy or hard to talk about how you’re feeling?

• Is there anything that’s helped your mental health recently that I should know about?

Questions for long-term couples

The longer you’re together, the more things life throws your way. These questions help you stay connected and check in on how each other’s mental wellbeing is holding up over time.

• How have you been coping with everything on your plate lately?

• Do you feel emotionally supported by me day to day?

• What’s been the most mentally draining part of life recently?

• Are there ways we’ve drifted that you’d like to talk about?

• What helps you feel most connected to me when things get busy or stressful?

• Do you feel like your needs are being met in our relationship?

• When was the last time you felt really understood by me?

• Are there any habits or patterns between us that have been affecting your mood or stress levels?

• What’s been your emotional state like over the past few months?

• Is there anything you need more of from me to feel mentally well and emotionally close?

Questions for parents

Parenting adds joy - and a whole new layer of pressure. These questions help couples check in on each other’s mental load and emotional wellbeing while raising children (or preparing to).

• How are you really feeling about parenting lately?

• What’s been the most overwhelming part of our week as parents?

• Is there anything about parenting that’s affecting your mental health right now?

• Do you feel like there’s enough time for you to rest or recharge?

• Are there moments when you feel unsupported or alone in this?

• How are we managing stress together? Is there anything we could do differently?

• Do you ever feel like your role as a parent is taking a toll on how you feel as a partner?

• What helps you feel like “yourself” again when the parenting load gets heavy?

• How do you feel about the balance between caring for the kids and caring for each other?

• Is there anything I can do that would ease your mental load, even just a little?

Questions on happiness and fulfillment

These questions explore how you're both feeling about life in general -  not just as a couple, but as individuals trying to find balance, joy, and purpose.

• What’s something that’s been bringing you joy lately?

• Do you feel content with how life’s going at the moment?

• Is there anything missing that you’ve been quietly craving?

• Are you feeling connected to the things that matter most to you right now?

• Has anything been getting in the way of your happiness or peace of mind?

• Do you feel like you’re growing as a person, or just getting through each week?

• Is there anything you’ve been wanting to talk about, but haven’t found the right moment for?

• What’s something in your life that gives you energy or helps lift your mood?

• Have you been feeling more up, more down, or somewhere in between lately?

• What would help you feel more fulfilled or emotionally steady right now?

Questions about the future

Looking ahead can sometimes bring excitement. And sometimes even stress.

These questions can help you understand how your partner’s feeling about the road ahead and how to support them along the way.

• How are you feeling about the future, in general?

• Is there anything coming up that’s been causing you stress or anxiety?

• What do you hope we’re doing more of, or less of, in the next year?

• Are there any changes you’d like to make that would improve your mental wellbeing?

• When you think about our future? Do you feel hopeful, uncertain, excited, or something else?

• Is there something you’d love to work on personally, and how can I support you with it?

• Are there things we can do now that’ll make life feel more balanced later on?

• Do you feel we’re emotionally ready for the next stage in our relationship or family life?

• What’s been on your mind about getting older, changing roles, or future pressures?

• Is there anything we should plan or talk about now to make things easier down the track?

Questions about everyday stress & support

These questions focus on how you're coping with day-to-day life, how well you're communicating, and what support looks like in the small moments that make up most of your time together.

• What’s been the most stressful part of your week so far?

• Have I been showing up for you in the way you need lately?

• Is there anything I’ve done (or not done) that’s been bothering you but hard to bring up?

• When things get stressful, do you feel like we’re handling it as a team?

• What helps you feel calm or grounded when life feels chaotic?

• Do you feel like you can speak openly with me, even when it’s uncomfortable?

• Have there been any little things weighing on you that you haven’t mentioned yet?

• Do you feel like our communication style works for both of us?

• Is there a conversation we’ve been avoiding that you’d like to come back to?

• How have your sleep and energy levels been lately?

• Are you getting enough time to yourself to recharge?

• When was the last time you felt genuinely relaxed or carefree?

• Do you feel heard when we talk? Or do I tend to interrupt or problem-solve too quickly?

• What’s something you wish I asked you more often?

• Are there daily habits that are helping or hurting your mental health right now?

• How do you feel about the way we handle our routines or responsibilities?

• Have you been feeling overwhelmed by anything you haven’t wanted to talk about yet?

• What’s one way I can support you better this week?

• Is there anything small I could do today that would ease your mind or lift your mood?

Final thoughts

Regular check-ins with your partner are one of the easiest ways to stay close and support each other's wellbeing.

When you make it a habit, it gets easier to talk about the tricky stuff, not just the day-to-day. You’ll both get better at tuning into each other’s needs and spotting signs of stress before they build up. It’s a simple way to keep your relationship strong, even when life gets busy.

If you find yourselves going in circles or avoiding certain topics, that’s a good time to speak with a relationship therapist. Sometimes, a bit of outside support, coupled with both partners’ willingness to be open and work on themselves, is all it takes to reset and move forward together.