Roles that adverse childhood experiences play

Our childhood shapes more than just our childhood memories. It also influences the wiring of our nervous system, our patterns of relating to others, and our inner sense of safety and self‑worth.

If your early years include adversity, then you might be more likely to turn to fear, shame, and unhealthy ways of coping and survival. While every person’s story is unique, a large body of research connects adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) with a wide range of adult outcomes, from mood regulation and attachment style to chronic health conditions. 

What are adverse childhood experiences?

Adverse childhood experiences are highly stressful or traumatic events that occur during childhood or adolescence. These experiences can shake a child’s sense of safety and stability, often with long-term effects on mental and physical health.

ACEs are typically grouped into three categories:

• Abuse: emotional, physical, or sexual

• Neglect: emotional or physical

• Household dysfunction: exposure to domestic violence, parental separation, mental illness, substance misuse, or incarceration of a family member

These experiences can be one-off events or ongoing situations that leave a lasting emotional imprint. Even if your childhood seemed “normal” on the surface, unresolved emotional neglect or instability can still affect how you think, feel, and connect with others today.

If you're unsure whether your early experiences may be impacting you now, answering an ACE questionnaire can be a helpful first step. It’s a simple tool that can guide you in deciding whether support from a therapist might be beneficial as you explore your past. However, you can absolutely seek therapy with or without memories of any ACEs.

How ACEs influence your overall health

Brain development and stress processing

When children face ongoing adversity, their stress response systems become highly active. This response helps with alertness and survival during a threatening situation, but it does come at a cost.

Long periods of stress may influence how the brain develops pathways for emotion regulation and self‑control. With this pattern of “trauma brain,” some people find themselves more reactive to stress, more vigilant to signs of danger, or struggling to focus and calm their nervous system.

Mood, self‑esteem, and emotional regulation

Studies support that childhood adversity is associated with elevated risks of anxiety, depressive symptoms, post‑traumatic stress symptoms, and other mental health challenges. A study published in the Epidemiology and Psychiatry Sciences journal noted that exposure to ACEs was linked with a higher prevalence of mental health disorders, including depression and anxiety, that can persist into adulthood.

Examining ACEs and adolescent mental health in Australia, researchers found that two or more ACEs were associated with greater odds of elevated anxiety and depressive symptoms, with risk increasing as the number of ACEs grew.

When emotional neglect or inconsistent caregiving shapes a child’s early years, it can distort how they learned about their own worth and trust in others. This frequently appears later as low self‑esteem, co‑dependency, or persistent inner criticism. These patterns often feel so familiar that they can feel like fixed personality traits rather than responses that developed in adaptation to early environments.

Attachment and interpersonal patterns

Attachment style refers to how a person tends to relate to others emotionally. Many therapists and researchers see attachment as a product of early interactions with caregivers.

If you grew up with sensitive and consistent caregivers, it’s more likely that you internalised a sense of safety in relationships. If caregiving was unpredictable, unavailable, or frightening, you may have developed insecure attachment patterns such as anxious or avoidant tendencies.

Research shows that the number and severity of ACEs in women are associated with the likelihood of insecure attachment in adulthood, and these patterns link with mental health indicators such as anxiety and emotional distress.

Physical health outcomes

Research across many countries finds that ACEs are linked with a higher likelihood of chronic health conditions, including cardiovascular disease, autoimmune conditions, and pain disorders.

While mechanisms are complex, prolonged stress responses and behaviour patterns related to coping may contribute to these outcomes.

How to move forward

Coming to terms with how childhood adversity shaped your life does not come from simply knowing the facts. It comes from connecting that understanding with supportive care and intentional practices that help regulate your nervous system, strengthen your sense of self, and shift unhealthy relational patterns.

1. Start by acknowledging what you went through

It’s common to minimise your own experiences, especially if others had it worse or if the harm wasn’t always visible. But emotional neglect, inconsistent caregiving, or growing up in an unpredictable home environment can all affect your development, even if no one intended to cause harm.

Giving yourself permission to name and validate those experiences is the foundation of any healing process.

2. Learn to care for yourself, even in ways that weren’t modelled

Reparenting is the practice of giving yourself the emotional care you may have missed as a child. That could mean speaking to yourself with kindness instead of criticism, setting healthy boundaries in relationships, or tuning into your physical and emotional needs without shame. 

These small, daily acts can help rebuild your self-esteem and create a stronger internal sense of safety.

3. Work with a trauma-informed therapist

You don’t have to make sense of everything on your own. A therapist trained in trauma and attachment can help you explore your patterns, process difficult memories, and find strategies to manage triggers more effectively.

Therapy can also support you in developing a more secure attachment style, especially if your early relationships made closeness or trust feel unsafe.

4. Focus on relationships that feel safe and respectful

Many people who’ve experienced ACEs struggle with trust or emotional closeness. Surrounding yourself with people who communicate openly, respect your boundaries, and show up consistently can help you develop new expectations for connection.

These kinds of relationships can slowly repair the belief that closeness always comes with a cost.

5. Focus on regulation before resolution

When you’ve lived through ongoing stress or trauma, your nervous system may still be on high alert. Practices like deep breathing, grounding exercises, gentle movements, or mindfulness can help regulate your body’s stress response.

Learning to calm your system in the moment makes it easier to engage with emotions, therapy, or relationships from a place of steadiness rather than survival.

Stopping the cycle

Many adults who had difficult childhoods worry about repeating those same patterns with their own children. But research encourages a different understanding: attachment patterns and parenting styles are learned, and they can be changed with awareness and support.

If you feel anxious about how your history might influence your parenting, open conversations in parent counselling or couples therapy can help you explore those worries in a supportive environment. Such settings can support you in recognising where old patterns show up and how to respond differently.

Final thoughts

Adverse childhood experiences are deeply influential, but they don’t have to define your lifelong identity or fate.

No matter how hard it seems, you can absolutely learn to understand your patterns, shift your responses, and build a life with more grounded narratives, a stronger sense of self-worth, and healthier approaches to relationships.