What it means to fail forward

Everything can feel heavier after a failure. It’s normal to feel hurt, disappointed, or even angry. However, failure doesn’t have to be the end of the road.

All of us fail now and then. It’s a sign that you’ve been trying, you’ve been taking action, and you’re still learning and growing.

Can you really fail forward?

Yes,  and not just in theory. The idea of failing forward has been around for decades and was popularised by author John C. Maxwell in his book Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success. It’s about seeing mistakes and disappointments as part of the process, not as signs that you’re incapable or unworthy.

Psychologists have studied this concept, too. Dr Carol Dweck’s research into growth mindset shows that when people believe their skills and intelligence can develop over time, they’re more likely to keep going after setbacks. On the other hand, if you believe you’re stuck with what you’ve got (also known as a fixed mindset), you’re more likely to give up or avoid challenges altogether.

Failing forward means shifting how you see failure. It’s believing that failure isn’t just something to bounce back from but something to learn from.

Coping after a failure

Self-doubt and hopelessness are valid reactions after a failure. To help yourself navigate and rise from the pain, here are some things you can do.

Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling

Before you try to fix, analyse, or move on, give yourself permission to feel what’s there. Disappointment, frustration, embarrassment — it’s all valid.  Try writing down what you’re experiencing. For example, you might write something like:

• I feel embarrassed because I expected more from myself.

• I’m angry this didn’t work out.

Naming the feeling can actually help reduce its intensity. It’s one way to bring some calm into a stressful moment.

Show self-kindness on purpose

Try offering yourself the same understanding you’d offer a close friend, even when it feels easier to slip into self‑pity or frustration. You don’t need to sugarcoat what happened. You can be honest about the disappointment while still giving yourself grace, recognising the effort you made, and accepting that the outcome wasn’t what you hoped for.

Research has found that people who practise self‑compassion tend to recover more steadily after setbacks, which means that being kinder to yourself isn’t indulgent. It’s a practical way to support your own recovery.

Self‑compassion also helps push back against a scarcity mindset, which can make you feel like you’ve missed your only shot or that you’re running out of chances. When you see failure as part of a much longer path, not the end of the road, space opens up for new ideas and attempts.

Slow down and rest

When things fall apart, the pressure to “get back on the horse” can be overwhelming. But real recovery needs rest — not just physical rest, but emotional rest too.

Rest might look like going for a slow walk, turning off notifications for a while, spending quality time with a friend, or getting some extra sleep. This kind of pause gives your nervous system a chance to settle, especially if you’ve been in frantic, survival mode.

Try to make sense of the setback

Once your emotions have had some space to settle, it can help to look back on what happened. Try to understand the situation, not to criticise yourself but to learn. Think about what you were hoping for, what might’ve gotten in the way, and what you’d try differently next time.

Reflection like this helps you make sense of the experience. It shifts the focus from regret to insight, which is what allows failure to become something useful instead of something that holds you back.

What if everything feels like a failure?

When it feels like nothing is going right, it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking you’re the problem. But sometimes, the issue isn’t that you’re not trying hard enough but that you’re carrying too much on your own.

Many people force themselves to keep pushing, thinking they need to prove they can handle it all. But asking for help isn’t a weakness. Whether it’s hiring someone to take over a task that’s constantly tripping you up, or opening up to a trusted friend about how hard it is to juggle everything, sharing the load is often the first step toward recovery.

It can also help to take a closer look at what you’re doing and why. Are you chasing goals that genuinely matter to you, or ones you think you’re supposed to want? If your daily efforts are out of sync with your values or strengths, it can feel like you’re always swimming against the current.

Reflecting on your skills, motivations, and what gives you meaning might reveal that the path you’re on doesn’t really fit. And that insight alone can shift how you see your setbacks.

Burnout and depression might also show up if you let yourself run on empty for too long. If your energy is gone, your motivation has vanished, or you’ve stopped enjoying the things you usually care about, it might be more than just a rough patch.

If you’ve been feeling depressed, intensely anxious, hopeless, or even numb, talking to a therapist can give you space to unpack what’s really going on. They can help you make sense of your experience, explore what you need to move forward, and support you in the next steps.

Final thoughts

Everyone fails. That might sound obvious, but when you’re in it, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one. What really matters is what happens next, and that doesn’t have to be a dramatic comeback. It might just be a slow, thoughtful rebuilding.

Failing forward involves feeling what’s true, learning what you can, and taking your next steps with purpose. Growth can happen here, right in the middle of the mess.