How to build confidence in children

Confidence shapes how children see themselves and engage with the world. A confident child is more likely to try new things, recover from setbacks, and believe in their ability to grow – things that are very important even in adulthood. As the saying goes, it’s truly easier to raise strong, confident children than to fix broken adults.

But confidence doesn't just sprout out of the blue. It develops gradually, influenced by the environment a child grows up in and the quality of their relationships, especially with their parents. From the way we respond to their emotions to the opportunities we give them to try, fail, and try again, these small interactions build the foundation for their self-trust and self-esteem.

If you’re reading this, you’re already taking an important step. Whether you're raising one child or a house full of unique personalities, supporting each child’s confidence can be both rewarding and challenging. This guide offers practical, research-informed strategies to help you nurture your child’s confidence while feeling more empowered in your parenting along the way.

Quick notes on confidence in babies and children

In the early months, babies begin building the foundation for confidence through connection. Although they don’t yet understand themselves as separate individuals, they start to feel safe and secure when their needs are met with warmth. Responding with cuddles, soothing words, and smiles helps babies feel that the world is a safe place to explore.

As children grow, confidence develops when they are encouraged to try things on their own, solve problems, and express how they feel. Let’s talk more about confidence-building strategies below.

How to raise confident kids?

1. Use positive, encouraging talk often

Connection and encouragement go a long way in inspiring confidence. Kind words like “I’m proud of you” or “I love being with you” can help children feel secure and valued. If open affection doesn’t come naturally to you, that’s okay. You can show warmth in simple ways; a smile, a high five, or a quiet “Well done” can still have a big impact when they’re genuine and consistent.

Positive talk also includes recognising effort, not just outcomes. Instead of saying “You’re so smart,” try “You worked really hard on that” or “You didn’t give up, even when it was tricky.” These kinds of comments help children understand that progress and persistence are more important than getting things right all the time.

Research by Dr. Carol Dweck shows that when children are praised for their effort rather than their abilities, they’re more likely to stay motivated and feel confident in their ability to learn and grow.

2. Believe them

When your child shares their thoughts or feelings, believing them is one of the most powerful ways to build trust and emotional security. Even if they don’t have all the facts right, their feelings are still real. By listening with empathy, you show them that their perspective matters, that it’s safe to be honest with you, and that you can handle whatever they tell you.

Children who are dismissed or corrected too quickly may start to doubt themselves or keep things to themselves. Some may even learn to hide the truth to avoid being criticised or misunderstood. But by creating space for your child to speak openly, without fear of being shut down, you’re helping them feel safe and supported as they learn about themselves and the world.

3. Let them take the lead sometimes

Children build confidence when they’re given opportunities to make choices, express themselves, and explore at their own pace. These moments of independence help them develop problem-solving skills and a stronger sense of self.

One of the best ways to support this is through play. When children lead their own play, they practise decision-making, follow their curiosity, and learn how to face challenges. Plus, joining in on their play and asking questions can deepen your bond and show your child that their interests are important to you.

The key is to find a balance. Give your child time and space to explore on their own, while also making time to be present and engaged when they invite you in. Both independent and shared play are powerful for building confidence, creativity, and trust.

4. Give them age-appropriate tasks

Children feel capable when they’re trusted with responsibility. Giving them age-appropriate tasks, such as feeding a pet, watering plants, or helping to pack their school bag, teaches them independence and purpose.

These small contributions also teach practical life skills. When children complete tasks and see the results of their actions, their confidence in their abilities naturally grows. The saying “competence inspires confidence” applies not only to adults but also to children.

5. Teach them to clean up after themselves

It’s tempting to fix things for our children, but confidence often comes from overcoming challenges. Letting kids take responsibility for mistakes or messes (like wiping up a spill or redoing a rushed homework task) helps them learn that they can recover after a mistake.

This kind of accountability should be framed positively. It’s not about shame, but about trust in their ability to handle difficult situations. Over time, this builds a belief that they can take action when things go wrong.

6. Let them say no (within limits)

Empowering children to say no teaches them that their voice matters. It helps them understand their own boundaries and builds a sense of autonomy. Letting them make choices, like refusing a hug or declining a certain game, gives them control over their bodies and experiences.

Of course, children still need boundaries and guidance. Offering structured choices, such as “Would you like to wear your boots or your sneakers today?” helps children practise decision-making in a safe and supported way. Giving children room to say no, where appropriate, strengthens their self-worth and assertiveness.

7. Guide their self-talk

Children learn how to talk to themselves by listening to how the people around them speak. The words we use in everyday moments — how we speak to our children, to each other, and even about ourselves — shape the way they learn to think and feel about who they are. A home filled with kindness, encouragement, and respect gives children the language they need to build a healthy, confident inner voice.

When your child says, “I can’t do this,” try responding with, “You’re still learning. Let’s figure it out together.” Over time, these supportive messages become the ones they repeat to themselves, especially when things get tough and you’re not around to help them.

If you're still working on your own self-talk, that’s okay. Many parents are. Doing the inner work and talking with a therapist can help you build more compassion toward yourself, which naturally flows into how you support your child.

8. Model emotional regulation

Children are keen observers of adult behaviour. When they see a parent take a deep breath instead of yelling, or apologise after losing patience, they learn that emotional regulation is possible even during stressful moments.

Modelling calm responses teaches children that big emotions don’t have to lead to outbursts or shutdowns. A warm home helps children develop strong emotional control skills, and this can benefit them in their adulthood and future relationships.

9. Teach simple coping skills

We all feel overwhelmed from time to time. And just as adults struggle to cope sometimes, children who are just starting to learn about their emotions will naturally struggle too.

As parents, it’s important to teach children how to sit and cope with difficult emotions. Techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, getting a drink of water, or using drawing and movement to calm down can give children a sense of control. These skills are most helpful when taught during calm moments and gently reinforced when emotions run high.

If your child has experienced trauma or ongoing emotional stress, professional therapy might help. A qualified child psychologist can help them understand their feelings and develop personalised tools to feel safe and confident.

10. Encourage them to try new and hard things

Trying something new (whether it’s a sport, a creative hobby, or talking to a new classmate or playmate) helps children build courage, grow their skills, and learn about their likes and dislikes. New experiences can also teach kids that growth often comes from stepping outside their comfort zone.

If a child tries something new and doesn’t enjoy it or struggles with it, highlight the courage it took to give it a go. Learning to support the effort rather than the result, and being willing to do hard things, can carry your kids far.

11. Avoid comparisons

It’s natural to notice differences between children, but comparisons can quietly chip away at a child’s confidence. Even well-intentioned remarks like, “Your sister was great at maths at your age,” can make a child feel like they’re falling short. Over time, these messages can stick and shape how they see themselves.

Every child has their own rhythm and strengths. Instead of comparing them to siblings, classmates, or cousins, focus on their individual growth. Celebrate the things that make them unique and remind them that learning is a journey, not a race. When children feel accepted and valued for who they are, they’re much more likely to develop strong, lasting self-esteem.

12. Let them overhear your praise

When children hear you speak positively about them to someone else, it reinforces their sense of competence and pride.

Saying something like, “He did a great job tidying up his toys today,” or “She was really brave at the dentist,” can give kids a powerful confidence boost. This can be especially meaningful for children who are more reserved or sensitive, as it shows them that you notice and appreciate their efforts.

Final thoughts

Building confidence takes effort, but you can nurture it in your child through simple, everyday interactions and intentional teaching moments. With your steady support and belief in them, your child can begin to trust themselves and face life with courage.

Every child’s path to confidence is different. Whether your child is naturally outgoing or more reserved, neurotypical or neurodivergent, what matters most is that they feel accepted, encouraged, and safe to be themselves. Your role as a parent is not to have all the answers, but to walk beside them as they learn and grow.

References:

• Huberman, A. & Kennedy, B. (2024). How to build confidence in your kids. Retrieved from youtube.com/watch?v=Zi9s0drG2II

• Raising Children Network (Australia). (2023). Self-esteem in children: 1-8 years. Retrieved from raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/understanding-behaviour/about-self-esteem

• VanDevelDe, C. (2007). Carol Dweck: Praising intelligence: Cost to children’s self-esteem and motivation. Retrieved from bingschool.stanford.edu/news/carol-dweck-praising-intelligence-costs-childrens-self-esteem-and-motivation

• Zuo, Y. (2023). The association between parent-child relationship and emotional regulation. Journal of Education, Humanities and Social Sciences. 22. 518-522. 10.54097/ehss.v22i.12517.