“Difficult” employees: What might actually be going on?

Most managers have worked with someone they’ve privately described as “difficult”. Perhaps they react defensively to feedback, create tension in meetings, miss deadlines, or withdraw from the team. These behaviours can frustrate colleagues or leave leaders unsure how to respond.

But difficult behaviour at work is rarely as simple as it first appears. Burnout, anxiety, workplace conflicts, different working styles, unclear expectations, personality differences, and even neurodiverse traits can all influence how someone communicates and performs.

At the same time, genuinely toxic behaviour does exist, and managers need to address it clearly when it harms the wider team. The challenge is recognising the difference without rushing to judgement too quickly.

What could be underneath “difficult” behaviours?

1. Stress or burnout

Burnout often changes behaviour long before anyone openly talks about it.

You may notice that an employee who was once collaborative and dependable becomes impatient, emotionally reactive, forgetful, or withdrawn from the team. Someone under sustained pressure may start missing deadlines, avoiding conversations, or struggling to concentrate during meetings.

From a management perspective, these changes can easily look like disengagement or poor attitude, particularly when performance begins slipping. In some cases, though, exhaustion is driving much of the behaviour you’re reacting to.

2. Anxiety, masking, or fear of judgement

Many employees spend considerable energy masking how they actually feel at work.

Masking can involve hiding anxiety, emotional distress, neurodivergent traits, or mental health struggles to appear capable and composed.

Over time, that effort can become exhausting, especially in workplaces where employees feel pressure to perform regardless of what’s happening beneath the surface.

This is one reason behavioural changes can appear sudden. An employee who seemed calm and capable for months may eventually become reactive, defensive, emotionally flat, or disengaged.

Fear of judgement also shapes behaviour more than many workplaces acknowledge. Employees who worry about criticism, failure, or professional consequences may become perfectionistic, avoidant, or highly sensitive to feedback.

That’s why open communication matters so much. Employees are far more likely to speak honestly when they believe concerns will be handled respectfully rather than immediately interpreted as poor attitude or lack of commitment.

3. Different working styles and personalities

People naturally have different working styles, personalities, and communication preferences. Some employees communicate directly and move quickly through discussions. Others prefer time to process information before responding. Some thrive in collaborative environments, while others work more effectively independently.

Tension often develops when managers unconsciously assume their own style is the standard everyone else should follow.

For example, an employee who asks detailed questions may be interpreted as resistant when they’re actually trying to gain clarity. Someone quieter during meetings may appear disengaged despite being thoughtful, observant, and productive.

As a leader, it helps to stay curious about differences in communication and personality before assuming someone is being difficult intentionally.

When behaviour becomes toxic

Not every difficult employee is misunderstood. Some workplace behaviour causes genuine harm and requires clear intervention.

Repeated bullying, intimidation, manipulation, dishonesty, aggression, or deliberate undermining can seriously damage morale and psychosocial safety within teams. Left unchecked, these behaviours often spread tension throughout workplaces and affect the wellbeing of multiple employees.

One of the clearest distinctions between struggling behaviour and toxic behaviour is accountability.

Employees experiencing stress may still accept feedback, acknowledge impact, and show willingness to improve. Toxic behaviour often involves repeated blame-shifting, denial, manipulation, or persistent breaches of expectations despite support and intervention. This can place you in a difficult position as a manager. You may genuinely want to support someone while also recognising that their behaviour is negatively affecting the broader team.

Support and accountability need to exist together.

How to respond more effectively as a leader?

1. Slow down assumptions

When someone’s behaviour is affecting the team, it’s understandable to feel frustrated or reactive yourself. Still, quick labels rarely improve difficult situations.

When employees are immediately described as lazy, negative, dramatic, or difficult, conversations often become more defensive and emotionally charged. Curiosity creates more room for understanding, accountability, and practical problem-solving.

Simple curious questions can uncover issues that weren’t immediately visible. Questions like:

• “What’s been challenging recently?”

• “What do you think is contributing to the tension here?”

• “What support would help you work more effectively?”

In many workplaces, communication breaks down long before formal conflict appears. Employees who feel psychologically unsafe often stop raising concerns early, which allows frustration and misunderstanding to build quietly over time.

2. Focus on the behaviour, not personality

Employees generally respond better when conversations stay grounded in observable behaviour rather than assumptions about intent or character.

For example:

• “There’s been noticeable tension during team meetings recently.”

• “Several deadlines have been missed this month.”

• “A few colleagues felt interrupted during yesterday’s discussion.”

This keeps discussions clearer, calmer, and more constructive. It also helps employees understand exactly what needs to change without feeling personally attacked.

3. Reflect on your own leadership style

Leadership style shapes team dynamics more than many managers realise.

Employees who feel micromanaged, dismissed, unsupported, or unable to speak openly are often more likely to become withdrawn, defensive, or reactive over time. Inconsistent leadership can also increase confusion, frustration, and workplace conflicts within teams.

That doesn’t mean you’re responsible for every behavioural issue within your workplace. But self-awareness matters. The way you communicate, provide feedback, manage pressure, and respond during conflict all influence how safe employees feel within the team.

Strong leadership often looks less like having all the answers and more like staying calm, consistent, and open during difficult conversations.

When additional support may help

Managers are often expected to navigate emotionally complex situations without formal training in mental health or conflict resolution. That’s where professional support can be valuable.

Many organisations offer an employee assistance program that provides confidential counselling and workplace support for both employees and leaders. In some workplaces, a PAYG EAP or pay-as-you-go EAP model offers more flexible access to support services without requiring a large ongoing organisational commitment.

Speaking with a psychologist or counsellor experienced in workplace dynamics may help you:

• prepare for difficult conversations,

• recognise signs of burnout or distress,

• manage workplace conflicts more effectively,

• maintain professional boundaries, and

• reduce unnecessary escalation and tension.

Seeking guidance during difficult workplace situations reflects thoughtful leadership. 

Managing people is complex, particularly when performance concerns, mental health issues, and team dynamics overlap.

Final thoughts

The phrase “difficult employee” can sometimes hide more than it reveals. Some employees are dealing with burnout, anxiety, masking, workplace conflicts, neurodiversity, or personal stress that’s affecting how they communicate and cope at work. Others may be contributing to genuine harm within teams through repeated toxic behaviour or poor accountability. As a leader, part of your role is learning how to recognise the difference without rushing too quickly to judgement or labels.

Open communication, psychological safety, and clear boundaries often help reduce workplace tension before problems escalate further.

At the same time, managers shouldn’t be expected to navigate complex behavioural or mental health concerns alone. Referring employees to an employee assistance program can provide valuable support during periods of stress, conflict, or emotional strain, while manager support services can help leaders handle difficult conversations and team dynamics more confidently.

For organisations looking for flexible workplace wellbeing support, PAYG EAP and pay-as-you-go EAP models can provide timely access to workplace mental health services without the structure of a traditional program. If you’d like to explore how Talked for Work supports employees, managers, and psychologically safer workplaces, we invite you to book a demo to learn more.