What is a situationship? What to do if you’re stuck in one?

It might start out casually. You meet through friends, at work, or even on a dating app.

You click instantly. There’s chemistry, late-night conversations, and a sense of ease. But months later, nothing has been defined. You’re not sure if you’re exclusive. You haven’t met their friends. The future feels like a topic best avoided.

This is the world of the situationship. It’s a connection that feels like more than a fling but not quite a relationship. It can be exciting and intimate, yet also confusing and painful.

This article takes a closer look at what situationships are, how they can affect emotional wellbeing, and how to tell when it’s time to ask for more or walk away.

What is a situationship?

A situationship is a romantic or sexual relationship without clear labels or expectations. It’s more than friends with benefits but less than a committed relationship. You spend time together, share emotional or even physical intimacy, but there’s no shared understanding of where things stand.

It might start off light and playful, especially if both people are avoiding pressure or a fear of commitment. But over time, the lack of clarity can create anxiety or feelings of being led on. One person might want more emotional connection, while the other prefers to keep things open or undefined.

In practice, a situationship often looks like this: spontaneous plans, limited emotional depth, and mixed messages. You might talk often, but the conversations avoid anything about the future. There’s affection, but also inconsistency. You might not meet their family or be invited to gatherings with their friends. You could feel special one week, then notice distance or silence the next.

The emotional impact of a situationship

At first, the thrill of a situationship can feel addictive. The excitement, the late-night texts, the rush of infatuation can create a powerful sense of connection. Psychologists sometimes refer to this early obsession as limerence: a state of intense attraction that can blur judgment and amplify longing.

But limerence is not love. When there’s no foundation of consistency, communication, or safety, that intensity can quickly turn into anxiety. You might find yourself checking your phone for messages, overthinking every interaction, or feeling insecure about where you stand.

People with an anxious attachment style are particularly vulnerable to this uncertainty. They might seek reassurance or overcompensate to feel valued, while those with an avoidant style may keep things distant to protect themselves. Both patterns can lead to frustration and misunderstanding.

The emotional rollercoaster can also activate deeper issues related to self-worth and validation. The ambiguity can also bring out patterns of avoidance or emotional immaturity, especially when one person benefits from keeping things undefined.

You might find yourself asking why they haven’t defined the relationship, whether you did something wrong, or if you’re being too demanding.

When the relationship starts to cost more than it gives

Unless you and the other person genuinely want nothing serious out of the situationship, your dynamic will almost surely have a turning point. It might come after another cancelled plan, an unanswered message, or a night when you realise you don’t feel seen.

You might notice that instead of enjoying the connection, you spend more time analysing it.

If the uncertainty leaves you anxious, if you’re seeking validation from mixed signals, or if you feel like you’re the only one trying to keep things going, it may be time to step back. It's worth asking yourself:

• Do I feel safe and respected in this situation?

• Am I compromising my needs or boundaries?

• Is this relationship supporting my growth or draining my energy?

If you notice patterns like avoidance, defensiveness, or emotional withdrawal, it’s worth acknowledging them honestly. Someone who repeatedly says they don’t want to label things or avoids accountability may be protecting their own comfort rather than considering your feelings.

What if you want out? Or what if you want clarity?

It’s common to reach a point where the lack of clarity starts to feel unfair or unfulfilling. Maybe you're tired of second-guessing yourself, or you're craving something that feels more stable and secure.

If you’re having these feelings now, here are some tips to guide you.

1. Start with reflection

Before making any big decisions, take a moment to check in with yourself. What do you actually want from this connection? Are you holding on out of genuine connection, or out of fear that this might be the best you’ll get?

Pay attention to how you feel when you’re not with them. If you’re often anxious, uncertain, or questioning your worth, that’s important information. Journalling or speaking with someone you trust can help untangle what your heart’s really asking for.

2. Have the conversation

Once you’re clear on your needs, start a calm, honest conversation. You don’t need a perfect script. Just the courage to say “This is what I need,” and the openness to hear their response is already enough.

Let them know you’ve been thinking about what you value in a relationship. If they avoid the conversation or dismiss your feelings, that speaks volumes about where they stand and how willing (or unwilling) they are to meet you halfway.

3. Set your boundaries

If they’re not on the same page, it’s okay to create distance. You don’t need to wait for them to change. Deciding what you will and won’t accept is how you protect your self-worth.

That might mean stepping back from physical intimacy, reducing contact, or walking away completely. This isn’t to punish them but to show respect to yourself and the unmet needs you’ve recognised.

4. Accept that leaving will hurt, but the hurt will pass

Leaving a situationship can hurt, especially when there were moments that felt real. But clarity, even when it’s painful, is often more healing than staying in confusion.

Let them know, kindly and clearly, that the connection no longer aligns with what you need. Then, focus on rebuilding your energy. Surround yourself with good friends, reconnect with who you were before the uncertainty took hold, and work on healing the parts of you that felt uncared for.

Final thoughts

Situationships can start off as light and exciting, but when they linger without direction, they often create confusion, self-doubt, and emotional fatigue.

For a while, the freedom and lack of pressure might feel like exactly what you need. Some people genuinely prefer this kind of connection, and that’s completely okay if it aligns with where they are in life.

But if you’re starting to feel uneasy, constantly overthinking, or quietly hoping things will change, it may be time to ask whether this dynamic is still working for you. Wanting more clarity, consistency, or emotional safety isn’t asking too much. It’s simply being honest about what helps you feel grounded and secure in love.

Letting go or asking for something more can feel vulnerable, but it’s also an act of self-respect. If honesty and vulnerability seem impossible, consider speaking with a therapist who can help you unpack your experiences and define healthier ways to approach your needs, wants, and relationship goals.