6 signs your partner is cheating

Doubting your partner's faithfulness can feel distressing and isolating.

It's natural to feel unsettled if you've noticed changes in their behaviour, a growing emotional gap, or signs of secretive habits. Not only that, but unresolved conflicts or trauma from past relationships can also influence how you think and feel about the situation.

A closer look at infidelity

Infidelity is a broad term. It includes sexual affairs, emotional cheating, and increasingly, microcheating - such as flirting over text, secret messaging, or late-night interactions on social media platforms like Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok.

Infidelity can affect relationships of all kinds, including heterosexual and same-sex partnerships, long-term de facto relationships, and newer connections. It often contributes to relationship breakdowns, with divorce and separation more likely when the betrayed partner feels that trust cannot be repaired.

Tell-tale signs your partner may be cheating

Here are several behavioural signs that may raise concerns. Each one should be considered in context, as they are not guaranteed signs your partner is cheating. However, they may indicate a need for deeper conversation or reflection.

1. Emotional distance or lack of connection

When a partner begins to withdraw emotionally, the shift can feel subtle at first. Maybe they're no longer initiating conversation, showing interest in your day, or responding to affection. If this pattern continues, it may reflect emotional neglect, especially if you feel lonely even when you're together.

In long-term relationships, emotional distance is often an early sign that something has changed. And while it may be linked to stress, burnout, or personal challenges, it can also reflect a shift in emotional investment.

2. Unusual changes in libido or sexual routine

In some cases, a decrease in sexual interest might be noticeable. In others, an increase in physical attention or experimentation may feel unexpected or even out of place.

While changes in libido are common over time, they can also be linked to guilt or overcompensation when someone is cheating.

For couples already experiencing a sexless marriage or relationship, a sudden change in this area (either a new desire or complete withdrawal) may indicate a significant shift in the relationship dynamic.

3. Defensiveness or outbursts

If your partner begins responding with anger or defensiveness to simple questions, or shuts down conversations altogether, this could be an attempt to avoid difficult truths. Stonewalling, where one partner refuses to engage or communicate, is also commonly reported in relationships affected by infidelity.

Sudden outbursts over small matters may also point to internal conflict, guilt, or frustration that is being redirected.

4. Secretive digital behaviour

One of the more modern signs of infidelity is a partner becoming unusually protective of their phone or social media activity. If they're hiding messages, using encrypted chat apps, or suddenly deleting call logs, that could be a bright red flag.

Microcheating behaviours, such as private chats, secret follows, or frequent interaction with someone new on Instagram or TikTok, can also create emotional distance and erode trust. These behaviours may not meet everyone's definition of cheating, but they can still breach emotional boundaries.

5. Deflecting your suspicions through blame

Sometimes, a partner may accuse you of being paranoid when you express concern. They may express suspicions over you in return - a form of projection often driven by their own guilt. This can confuse the situation further, making you second-guess your instincts.

In some cases, this defensiveness may escalate into controlling behaviour or gaslighting, particularly in toxic relationship dynamics.

6. Sudden increase in attention or affection

While affection is often a positive sign, a sudden surge in compliments, gifts, or intense intimacy may raise questions, particularly if it follows a period of distance. This behaviour, sometimes known as love bombing, can be a way to distract from hidden guilt or fears of being discovered.

Again, it’s important to consider this behaviour in the broader context of your relationship.

A note on relationship attachment styles

Those with an insecure or anxious avoidant attachment style may struggle to maintain consistent emotional engagement.

If your partner tends to pull away when things feel intense or lashes out when you ask for closeness, this pattern could be affecting your perception of their behaviour.

Understanding your partner’s and your own attachment styles may help explain feelings of paranoia or confusion during times of emotional stress.

What to do if the signs are overwhelming you?

When you’re noticing several signs that something isn’t right, it’s important to pause, reflect, and approach the situation with care rather than panic. Here are some supportive steps to consider:

• Talk about the small things, early. If something is bothering you, bring it up calmly with your partner. Even small concerns deserve a response. Honest conversations can stop your mind from filling in the gaps with worst-case scenarios. If your partner is unwilling to listen or constantly shuts down, that may be a sign that the relationship is no longer emotionally healthy.

• Write things down. Keeping a private journal of what you've noticed, how you felt, and any emerging patterns can help you stay grounded and sort through emotional overwhelm.

• Seek support from a professional. Speaking with a counsellor can help you make sense of your feelings, identify what you need in your relationship, and explore safe, constructive next steps.

• Explore couples counselling if safe. If your partner is open to it, therapy can create space for honest communication, clarify misunderstandings, and help rebuild trust where possible.

• Protect your wellbeing and your children's. If you're parenting, remember that ongoing tension or emotional instability at home can affect children's mental health. Family support or child-focused counselling may help ease that impact.

Can relationships recover after cheating?

Some do, especially when there’s mutual commitment to healing.

Recovery from infidelity requires consistent honesty, deep reflection, and ongoing work to rebuild trust. It also involves understanding what led to the breach and how each partner can show up differently going forward.

In some cases, therapy becomes a critical part of the recovery process. Many couples benefit from guided support that helps them explore boundaries, improve communication and emotional regulation, and reconnect with shared values.

Other times, the healthiest outcome is a respectful separation that protects emotional wellbeing and supports the children’s mental health.

Final thoughts

Feeling unsure about your partner's behaviours can be emotionally challenging and may lead to anxiety, confusion, or fear about the future of the relationship.

While certain patterns may raise concerns about infidelity, they are not definitive proof. What matters most is how you process these signs, how openly you and your partner can communicate, and whether their responses help restore a sense of trust and emotional safety.

Taking steps to stay grounded, ask thoughtful questions, and seek professional support can help you gain clarity and protect your wellbeing. If your partner is unable or unwilling to reassure you and take intentional steps to make you feel safe again, it might be time to rethink your relationship and prioritise what’s best for your and your children’s wellbeing.